Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
