...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
