Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize