the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
