I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
