Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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