Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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