she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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