But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize