after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
