Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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