i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
