dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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