i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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