nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
