Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
