I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
