I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
