The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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