was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
