I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
