well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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