The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
