your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
