low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
