i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
