Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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