He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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