If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
