Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
