And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize