If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't deserve a penis
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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