How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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