haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
