So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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