i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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