If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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