I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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