Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
