If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
