oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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