How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
