i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
