Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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