I puked a lego.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
