he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
