Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
