ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
