I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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