Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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