Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
