You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
