I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
