Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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