My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
All I want is dick and wine.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize