Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
