he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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