morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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