I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
