I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What a dumb baby whore.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
