The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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