gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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