one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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