He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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