We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
